How I Ended A 5 Year Relationship

Yep, in case you haven't been filled in on the recent events of my life, my boyfriend and I recently split. I say this with ease as if it wasn't one of the most difficult decisions I've ever made. But it's been a few months now, and I am incredibly happy.

Here's what happened:

In 2010 I met a guy: tall, beautiful, guy. It was a whirlwind at first, I was absolutely consumed by him at times. He was incredibly handsome, fun, well-liked, and a complete adventure. Things became serious quickly.

Fast forward to 2014: Anticipating life after college, life with my boyfriend and what would transpire once I entered the real world. My boyfriend was such a huge part of my college experience, and he was a safe place to hide when college didn't feel like the fun place that everyone else thought it was.

And finally, here we are in 2016: Living with my boyfriend in San Diego, life going swimmingly. Pause. Something doesn't feel quite right. Imagining our future together is not longer exciting, in fact it is terrifying. What went wrong, why am I feeling this way?

I realized a series of things were true:

1. Just because you love someone doesn't mean you are in love with them.

2. The little things in your relationship that gave you microscopic doubts along the way will eventually grow to become the monster under your shared bed.

3. I was going to have to turn my life inside out.

I made the choice to call it quits. The absolute gut wrenching choice. Why not give it a chance, put the work in, as many of you may ask. Well, it's simple. You can change your behaviors and your reactions, but you can't change the way your heart feels. The fear and the sadness were overshadowed by the deep rooted certainty of my choice.

It's now September, and it's been about 2 months. Life is different, but good. My decision has come with it's challenges, friends choose sides, bills double, and I find myself spending alone time much more than I have before. But I feel solid and sure.

I'm proud of myself, I'm proud of my strength. I'm proud of my friends who have made similar choices, because they trusted their intuition over the illusion of a perfect life. Challenge yourselfto forego the easy choice. Listen to yourself, always. Keep a sharp mind and an open heart, and never let yourself be okay with less. Having it all is not unattainable, and you should never have to sacrifice one aspect of life for the other. Keep searching until you find exactly what it is that makes your heart full.

Tayler Suterko